it’s been too long since the world was our inside joke.

i think of you in more ways than one:
how your voice cracks with laughter at the smallest things,
how you notice my cheeks turning red
and turn it into a joke only you could make,
how you take pictures of things you want to remember.

i miss you.

i keep these words locked in these pages,
not for lack of breath,
but because pride held my hand
and i let it lead.

i remember you when i speak to your sister,
your name pressing at the back of my throat.
i almost let it fall into her hands,
but keep it folded quietly inside me,
because it would not be fair.

your voice echoes in my favourite songs
and how i’d wish i could’ve turned right
when i looked you in the eyes.
i thought it might be a much better choice
if i held onto my pride.
i was wrong.

see, i always thought you’d be waiting for me at the end of the aisle.
not like when we were fifteen…no.
but now, as we are.
as my bridesman at my side.

but could i again?
even if i didn’t listen to your pleas
because i let pride get in the way?  

I’ve written you before,
and I will write you again,
until my hands forget your absence.
until the page itself grows quiet of you.

i miss you, friend.
can we start when happiness begins again?